Today I found out about the different attachment styles, and guess what?
april 27, 2012
(this was originally for a tumblr page that I own. I was mad and I cried.. I just feel like its safer posting itup hereTurns out that I am insecurely attached. Oh-my-god. Everything they write about it suits me! It is as if a piece of that book is all about me! I thought I was the only one.. This explains a hell lot of things! But the worst part is, it says that I don’t have much chance to ‘make’ it because of my insecurity.. Well.. Insecurity isn’t the right word.. I’m probably not going to make it because I’m not rude enough. Apparently you need to be freaking rude these days if you want to ‘make’ it and live a good life. Like what kind of logic is this? Excuse me, you have others around you? There are more freaking people in this world! I really don’t get why we can’t just be nice to each other. Like freakingmushpotatoframp!! (I’m really trying not to swear..) Ugh I’m so fed up with this world; already. I’m not even a grown up yet and it feels like so many people are working against me. The feeling i’ve seen people have the most, is hate. Yeah, people like to hate a lot of things.. And oh boy I have to admit, I’m one of them! But now I know why! Thanks to my psychology book I know why I hate so much.. I’m afraid to get attached to things/persons. I really, really, really don’t know why, but I always have the feeling that people secretly hate me. Does that have to do with my insecurity, or is that because I’m afraid to build relationships with others? I feel ignored all the time, and I feel so alone. And hey guess another thing.. Whats my biggest fear? yep.. I am so afraid to end up alone.. And I feel alone pretty much all the time .. I cannot believe that I’m typing this right here right now where everyone can read it but at this moment I don’t care at all. Im just here on tumblr to escape from reality or some shit (whoops, cursed) so I just don’t give a freaking frumbeaeroafdfegadf. Why not take the time to explain a few things? I had this tumblr before anyone I knew in rl knew it, and I posted some very personal stuff. Then, yea I don’t really know how it happend but people I know started following me and backwards, and the things I posted were from a long time ago so I removed it. I still felt comfertable with posting shit at that moment (cursed, second time). THEN somebody else followed me, and from that moment it felt as if my tumblr wasn’t my tumblr anymore. I had to think before I posted things, and before that I never did that. It is as if you’ve gotten a journal, and you know someone will read it everyday but you are writing in it because you know it helps as an escape.. Oh I don’t know it probably does not make any sense to you but to me it does (i’m even wondering why you are reading this because this is just a pathetic story about a pathetic girl). oh man why do I have to make a problem out of everything? Oh and by the way, if you think you are the ‘person’ i’m talking about, then you are probably not. Don’t worry if you know me in rl. I know that the person who i’m talking about is probably not going to read this. I hope. Oh whatever. What happend to the strong me a few seconds ago? The strong me didn’t gave a fu-nxjpaoh. Yeah that. Oh what will happen with me in the future? I have no idea.. I’m probably going to end up alone.. Maybe I’m used to it by then..
note: this was not written to hurt anyone or to make anyone feel uncomfertabe. Don’t be scared, you are probably not the ‘person’ I am talking about. Don’t judge me please.. Sometimes I have to throw things out and everything from my past comes up and then I go from this subject to that subject and back again and blablabla I’m all talking nonsense. You can forget about everything you read in this post. If you can’t, look for hypnosis on youtube please. Thank you 🙂