Timid smile..

december 14, 2012

I hate to be alone. I really hate it. But this fear is taking over my life and I don’t know what to do about it.. I feel like I have to do this by myself but I don’t want to do it alone. I want someone who supports me, I want someone who can make me feel less alone, I want someone to treat me as if I’m the only one in the world.. I just want to be loved.. So many people out there and no one is mine. That hurts.. Everyone who hurted me in the past found someone they love and that feels so unfair. It’s like I don’t deserve it, but what did I do? They bullied me, they made me lose trust in others and they brought me down and made me who I am nowadays: useless. I can spend days doing nothing and I can’t get out of this circle. What did I do today? I honestly don’t know. I did nothing. All day. Thats pathetic I know. I fucking know. I’m afraid to go outside okay. I’m afraid to do something. I want to get the hell away from here, but where do I go? I have no money, need a job first. I’m afraid to go and find a job. I don’t know what it is, i’m just afraid. Nobody understands and no one ever will. And therefore I want to escape but I don’t know how. I can’t do this alone but I have to, there is no one who can do it with me..

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